Just for the record!!

Well this is a wake up call for me before it's an update to anybody else. A few days ago a horrific accident happened to me. i won't say what it is not because i don't want you to know as much as i don't want ME to know or remember it, i just want to remind my self of this so as to be careful all the time and to have this safe feeling only to keep me living, i remember at that particular time i very much needed a shoulder to cry on and somebody i could trust, somebody who would just tell me everything is gonna be OK and I'm gonna take care of everything else, somebody i can even trust with my life, not only because they care for me but also because they have the right mind i can rely on and i can be almost sure they will definitely do the right thing for me.

Well this is still the happiest time for of the year, Christmas time, so i really would like to enjoy it.

God bless :D

WE wish you a Merry X-mas and a Happy new year!!

I just LOVE this time of year, it's just beautiful. I love everything about it, the weather the atmosphere, the ppl, even shopping at this time is lovely. i love seeing those beautiful trees every year with their beautiful warm and colourful lights, they just make me feel all warm and cozy again, they even take me to a time were everything was beautiful and i really felt the warmth of a family and ppl who loved no matter what. It's this time and only this time that makes me imagine and even believe that the so-called family warmth still exist. Every year at this time i imagine this beautiful room with the old fireplace decorated with those colourful socks and candies and the Christmas tree beside it decorated and lit, with presents and boxes lying under it. it's just a very warm picture that makes me smile, i could even here those favourite christmas tunes like Jingle bells and Santa Claus us coming to town. it was just a dream a couple of years ago but now i think i can believe it's possible. Moving to maadi reminded me of this beautiful picture before it fades away. Ppl here really celebrate Christmas, at this time of year if you look up in any of the beautiful Cairo nights you can see a warm light coming from any window and the moment you look at it you just feel it's Christmas time, you see the Christmas tree beautifully and fully decorated with presents beside it, or even just some glitter here and there which remained from the decoration hassle. I don't really like this new year thing and those silly resolutions (I'm not really pessimistic i just don't like those stupid decisions that ppl take and they just forget about, just makes the whole year meaningless to me !!) But I'm really excited about Christmas.. and yes Christmas although i have nothing to relate to it except those memories and this dream, but it's just that big of a symbol to me that i refuse to give up or forget or even replace, i partly hate that i can't relate this to any of our feasts but i don't feel very wrong feeling that warm towards that time of year.. it's just my favourite. :D

Merry Christmas...

keep dreaming and never lose the faith...

Waiting...

Always waiting for this unusual thing or word or person.. just waiting, wishing and hoping

the next moment will just change my life. Just like in a movie when this super beautiful

actress meets that handsome guy and, no it's not that they live happily ever after,

their life just changes forever and they face everything together.. well i'm not

waiting for that handsome guy.. it's not exactly my dream. or maybe it is!

but what i'm sure of; is that i wake up everyday waiting for that moment, i don't know if

it's gonna be good or bad, happy or sad, i have no idea and i don't want one,

i just want it to be a surprise, although i hate surprises, but i want it to be a memory

and important memory, which i remember many years after and say from that moment

my life was totally different and i became the person i am now!!

will that moment ever come true. will that person be the person i wish to be!!

i really have no clue! but i hope it's gonna come true one day..

This is a part of a long piece which i found putting a lot of my current pondrings to words, i never found an answer to these ponderings, and I don't know if i am ever to find ones but it's kinda relieving just to find the exact words describing them. I think it's representing a lot of ppl's wonders as well. Here's the part I most liked of the piece :D

و لا اجد اجابة عن هذه السؤال المحير ....... لماذا انت من دون الاخرين ......هل كان لدى حقا اختيار .....فهل اخترك أنا؟ .... ام اخترتنى انت؟ ام كان اختيار مسبق لادخل لنا فيه ......رتبه القدر ....و استجابنا له......مذعنين!

وأنا اذ اندهش .....فدهشتى من نفسى..... حين اكتشف مرور الوقت و انا افكر فيك ...... و اتعجب اكثر حين اسمع صوتى يجيبك ان مكانى ما هو الا اى مكان تكن انت فيه ........و انى - اخيرا - اجد موطنى حين تضمنى اليك ..... بدون تاشيرة دخولى سوى لمسة رقيقة من يديك .......تجذبنى بها اليك لاستكين بجوار قلبك....سعيدة!!

written by: Nagwane Refaat

What Zodiac Sign Should You Be?

The planets are very complex. Maybe your astrologer will disagree, and maybe a few tendencies will vary, but overall you're a SCORPIO. You're just like a water sign, which comes out in the way you're so in tune with your emotions and your intuitions. Your symbol is a scorpion, which represents your secretive nature and your ability to emit a powerful poison when vengeful. A bundle of contradictions, you have the ability to demonstrate both the best and worst qualities that characterize human nature. Generally, you are intense and passionate, yet stubborn and competitive. You use your intuition fearlessly, and you have a tendency to explore the nature of existence through the study of philosophy and religion. Although it is difficult for you to trust others, whenever you finally do, the result is deep and powerful. On the downside, however, you must work hard to suppress your jealousy. Your dedication, drive, and persistence will guarantee you success, and you are known and respected for your imagination and idealism.

Some famous Scorpios:

• Prince Charles
• Grace Kelly
• Charles Manson
• Kurt Vonnegut
• Pablo Picasso

Lonely w alone w kol 7aga!!

Never felt I needeed someone, always felt I can do it alone,
But as I grew up I felt that I can't so it alone, or as paulo coelo said, all the universe conspires to make me feel that I can't do it, or maybe that’s the truth I should have realized years ago. I never needed a brother more than now and what makes matters worse that I have a deep feeling that this is not gonna be the only time. I'm always gonna feel alone abandoned and behind. Behind and there's no way for me for catching up. I just can't move on or forward . And who's that who's gonna be that knight in shining armor even if he's my brother, what's he gonna do when all the ppl who are responsible and suppised to love me and take care of me just simply don't. what I don't get it why????
I never asked why I always thought it's over, or it's gonna be over soon. But actually it never is. everything is just harder than before, everything gets worse and worse.
Why does he do that?
Why am I do alone?
Why can't I find any help?
It's like a desert with the feeling of war.. Waiting for it but not knowing where is it or who is fighting or what I'm gonna do, just waiting.
Is it soo difficult I just need somebody to tell me don't worry it's gonna be ok it's gonna be alright, I don't need him to stand up for me I just want him to be there beside me holding me before I fall. Is that too much to ask.. Too much to want! Is it me who's building the wall or is it them who are standing so far from me!! NOBODY can make me feel small or helpless, I'm not small and I'm not helpless, I am not helpless. I can do what ever I want. I don't know what should I feel or what should I do, I don't even have anybody to help or tell me what to do! How to react and how to stand for me!! So hard to feel that everything is being cruel to you and you just can't do anything about it!!

ana magnoona??

A poem that really inspired and touched me. I read it at a time when i really felt it coz everything around me was going crazy, and what i was feeling was even crazier, actually crazier than ever!! So i dedicate it to the person who gave me all those crazy thoughts and drove me that crazy.. Enjoooooooooy.

أنا مجنونه؟

بقي أنا مجنونه؟.........وأنا كلي عذوبه !

أيه يعني لما ألبس هندي
واركب علي ظهر الفيل البمبي
وأجري وأروح علي غاندي..!

أبقي مجنونه؟

أيه يعني لما أحلم بالقصر
وفرسان كتير مليه مصر
وملك شاعر في عينيه النصر

أبقي مجنونه؟

ايه يعني لما أحلم بالغابه
والأسد الحامي يبص لي ويتغابه
وغزاله جميله تبربش لي بعيون رحاله
والنمر يبحلق ويسمي ويقول فتاكه
وطيور الحب تغني وتنده لك ألحقها...غرقانه

أبقي مجنونه؟

ايه يعني لما أحلم بالكوخ
والرجل الأخضر.. في عيونه أدوخ
ورسايل حبك توصلني ..طاخ..طوخ
وساعتهاأرقص وأغني وأنا كلي رضوخ

أبقي مجنونه؟

ايه يعني لما أحلم بالجّنه
وأتوه في الحلم وأتحنّه
أنا راجعه مهما أتعنّي
أفرش حضنك ألقي الجنّه..!

أبقي مجنونه؟

ده أنا مفتونه
أنا دايما بحلم بجنون..وجنوني ده بقي كله فنون

لسه شايفني مجنونه؟


Written by: Somaya soliman (9\11\06)